I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
