Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
