I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
