I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize