when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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