he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
