we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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