never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
