Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
