Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just threw up on my dentist
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
