Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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