I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
