i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
