my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
