You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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