remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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