You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
