my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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