Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
smell my finger.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I had to cum in my sink.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
