When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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