there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
