Christians are straight up FREAKS
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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