Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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