she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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