There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
