I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
