Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
