woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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