Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
