loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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