whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
