peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
