Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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