this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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