Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy