Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this