upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..