worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
someone owes me an orgasm
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
