Nicole vs. Life
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
