Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
