I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
