You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
