yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
