It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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