somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
