I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
