I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
