Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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