pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
