woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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