just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
