tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
