In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
