Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
