blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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