remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
