My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
