Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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