dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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