i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
