I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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